Men in Black

By
Mel Hathorn


I had a strange dream (some would call this a nightmare) last night. I dreamt I was watching TV and the Six Flags commercial seen all over the Northeast came on. This is the ad where the little old man in a black suit jumps in the air, clicks his heels together and screeches, "More rides! More Fun!” Scenes of a roller coaster and various other rides follow his idiotic dancing.

Suddenly to my surprise, the little ole man jumped out of the TV screen and stood before me. He introduced himself as Sammy. We conversed for a while. He then told me of a traumatic experience he had when a child. It seems that his father sent him to the store for some bread. As a result of that horrible experience, he wrote a song about it—I guess you get your therapy where you can.

Anyway, he regressed in age to a little boy and still wearing his black suit sang to me the following song, titled The Connecticut Transit Song. This song so familiar to children causes them to wonder who Sammy was. Well here is the answer.


The Connecticut Transit (CT) Song

This is a story about Sammy, his father sent him out for some bread.
But he did not feel like walking, he thought he’d take the bus instead.
So he said,
“If I rode a bus, I could ride to the store, ride to the store, ride to the store, for my father.”

“So Sammy waited a long, long time,
But the bus never came along.
And the rains came down and the floods came up
And he made up a brand new song.
‘If I were a fish I could swim to the store…father.’”

(It wasn’t bad enough that his voice hadn’t regressed along with his age; it was still the same scratchy voice. What was really annoying was the wiggling hand motions that children use when singing this song.)

He continued.

“And the sun came out and the ground dried up,
But the bus never came along.
And the flies buzzed, swarmed and bit him hard,
And he made up a brand new song.
‘If I was a bug, I could crawl to the store…father.’”
Here Sammy made hunching, crawling motions as if he were an insect.

“And the breeze came out and it cooled him down,
But the bus never came along,
And the birds flew over, and they dropped their load,
And he made up a brand new song.
‘If I was a bird, I could fly to the store…father.’”

Here he made those annoying flapping motions with his arms.

“Then Sammy remembered about the loaf of bread
And knew he better move along.
And as he walked, he arrived home late
And he made up a brand new song.
‘I sad I’m me and I stood for the bus…father.’”

“I never no more ‘ill wait for the bus…father.”

Sammy continued the story. He was sent to bed without his supper, but he did get a slice of the bread he brought home and a glass of water. He concluded his story and said that he was working for Six Flags because he got to more places faster using their rides than he did with Connecticut Transit.